Nacho Average Padres
The 'Nacho Average Padres' podcast is a discussion between two millennial fathers, Ryan McDonald and Robb Moreira, on their upbringing and parenting styles versus what's been done in the past from their parents. They come together and examine each topic from how they treat our homes, to shaving rituals, to even video game therapy sessions to name just a few. It's a familiar, but yet different approach to how fatherhood is viewed as it's through the lens of a millennial dad (under 40 years old at that!). What the boys discuss are for a generation that's starting their parental journey or already has young children. This podcast is dedicated to millennial dads making a difference in this hectic world we call life. Whether you are a single parent or married, we all can relate to each other on this podcast. Enjoy the two least likely representatives of an entire generation as they navigate through the struggles just us young dads have in common. It's about time someone talked about us! Keep an eye out for the next episode!
Nacho Average Padres
Dad Life: Strong Minds, Healthy Bodies
What if staying fit could transform not only your body but also your relationship with your kids? Join Ryan and Robb as they share their passionate journeys through weightlifting and martial arts, revealing how physical activity has become a cornerstone of their fatherhood experience. From the sense of accomplishment in lifting heavy weights to the mental clarity brought by martial arts, they discuss the vital role of fitness in keeping up with their energetic children and the humorous reality of aging aches and sudden awareness of one’s own breathing.
Balancing physical wellness with emotional openness is no small feat, especially when the expectations around fatherhood are evolving. We dive into the shift from traditional stoicism to modern emotional availability, underscoring the shared economic and emotional responsibilities with our spouses. Personal anecdotes highlight the importance of breaking free from outdated norms and embracing a more expressive, communicative approach to parenting and self-care, fostering stronger family bonds and healthier relationships.
In a world where social complexities and generational differences create unique challenges, understanding and empathy become key. We explore how family gaming sessions can bridge gaps and create lasting memories, as well as the pressures of navigating societal expectations and social media's influence. Through candid discussions, we stress the necessity of viewing the world through a compassionate lens, respecting diverse perspectives, and finding humor in the absurdity of everyday life. This episode promises a rich conversation on seamlessly integrating physical activity, emotional well-being, and modern parenting dynamics.
Please check us out on Twitter as we're very active there: https://twitter.com/NachoPadres
We also have an Instagram (although Ryan barely posts): https://www.instagram.com/nachoaveragepadres/
Or write an email to the pod at nachoaveragepadres@gmail.com.
Like what you heard? Listen to our other great episodes! The Dad jokes will certainly make you cringe!
whoa? Is this the intro? Oh, wow, it is okay. Okay, you've stumbled onto the nacho average padres podcast, a show about millennial dads for millennial dads and friends. Of course. Pull up a chair and join us. It's going to be an interesting one. While you're here, you can reach us on twitter at nacho padres pod. We're on instagram at nacho average padres. Or you can reach us on Twitter at Nacho Padres Pod. We're on Instagram at Nacho Average Padres, or you can email us at NachoAveragePadres at gmailcom. Hey, if you appreciate the show, leave us a review. It's definitely going to help us out. Hey, are we ready to go? I think we're good. All right, enjoy the show. Hey there, fellow Padres and friends, welcome back to the Nacho Average Padres podcast. We're going to talk about everything related to the Millennial Dad, as it should be. I'm your host, ryan, and on this episode, as always, I'm joined with my great friend, rob. What is going on, man?
Robb:You know, just life man.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:Just living it, just living it.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:Just living it, I'm just in it. I'm just in it, I'm living it, I'm enjoying it.
Ryan:Yeah, are you mentally sound?
Robb:I mean, I guess as much as I could be, yeah.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:As sound as I can be. No, I'm pretty mentally sound. Considering how much martial arts I do, I think I'm pretty even keeled.
Ryan:I would feel that would, uh, that would be very yes, grounding, yes, because it's like you're not, you're not thinking of any stresses, you're not thinking of anything, um other than just reacting to um. You know the training and the courses that you're, that you're going through yeah, for sure, for sure, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's nice.
Robb:I highly recommend.
Ryan:Five out of five stars on Yelp Nice 10 out of 10.
Robb:would recommend, would recommend.
Ryan:I'm all about lifting weights, so I'm right there with you when it comes to physical activity. Kind of just zones me out. I mean, music helps even more.
Robb:True, definitely helps helps even more?
Ryan:uh, true, definitely helps. But you know, lifting 350 pounds and then thinking that you're gonna die underneath the barbell, um, and then finally get that weight racked again and you're like, oh, I did it yeah, it's a hell of an accomplishment.
Robb:Plus it's, you know, as you, as you, as you get up in age, it's nice to see that your body is still capable of, uh, still of still doing some impressive stuff.
Ryan:Yes, you know especially as we get older, because, as uh fathers, you know um, we try to maintain our ourselves now, just to keep up with the kids.
Robb:Yeah, pretty much. I mean, they're only getting more active and stronger. Yes, yes, so we kind of got to keep up and let them know no, we're stronger than you. Yes, so yeah.
Ryan:You might think you're strong, but you are not.
Ryan:You will not surpass me yeah, yeah, no, it's good though it's, it's, it's, it's definitely um, it's a nice perk to working out as being able to be as active with with our kids yeah without feeling like we're killing ourselves doing it yeah, definitely for sure I will admit, um, there are times where I get on my knees just to help, you know, my daughter change her clothes and stuff, and or, you know, get down to on one knee to go pick up a toy, and every single time I I get up or I have to hold something and go. Oh, my god, underneath my breath, uh, yeah, because I've. I feel like I've reached that age now where, even though I'm approaching 40s, I still got time. But I'm approaching 40s and yet I feel 67.
Robb:You know what it is. It's like it's much more apparent that for us to be, for our body to move at a capacity where we are not doing that, our body has to actually be kind of warmed up to a capacity.
Ryan:Which sucks. You know what I mean, yeah.
Robb:And that's just for like normal, like. That's why I, like you know, stretching in the in the morning is actually very good to do, because it'll help avoid those kinds of yeah, kind of moments, know, I mean oh god that. Or like something as stupid as quickly lifting some, picking something up and going like, oh that, that. I don't know why I pulled something in my back, but I did nice I you know what?
Ryan:I I just thought of something funny, and I don't know if this happens to you, but every now and then, for some reason. Uh, as I'm sitting in a spot, doesn't matter where I am. Um, do you forget to breathe?
Robb:I don't forget to breathe. I become very, I become very conscious of the fact that I'm breathing.
Robb:Oh, usually that okay and usually that happens while I'm like not while I'm sleeping, but that moment in the middle of the night where you kind of wake up and then you're just kind of up for like five, 10 minutes. Yes, for just some reason, when that happens and I'm laying down like all right, let me just chill out and go back to sleep Because I'm not doing anything else else, I become hyper aware at the fact that, like, I'm breathing and and and and, if you know, I I think it's a very interesting thing, but when, while breathing is something very natural, when you start thinking about it it becomes very difficult yeah, I wonder why that is like are you breathing faster?
Robb:No, I think that's just anything. I think that's actually a really great lesson on just kind of like doing things. Is that the more you think about it, the more difficult it becomes and, truth bealing, you start to realize, whoa, like I'm losing a rhythm and I'm extremely conscious of my breathing pattern. Am I doing it too fast? Is it going too slow? Did I take enough air? And it becomes very difficult. So it's actually a very good exercise in showing you that when you stop thinking about the thing you're doing, it becomes a lot easier, especially if it's something physical.
Ryan:Yeah, when it's you know, a secondary thing that your body kind of just does naturally without you having to think about it, like, thank God, we don't have to think about making our heartbeat. Exactly, exactly, you know talk about cardiac arrest If we stop thinking about having our heartbeat, because that thing is going on forever.
Robb:Yeah, the only thing that I do, do, do, do.
Ryan:Do do.
Robb:Is I consciously try to slow my heart rate. I do consciously do that sometimes.
Ryan:I'm going to ask how is that possible?
Robb:Well, it's funny because I actually did that with one of my kids because I wear the Fitbit and you know it has a heart monitor. Fitbit and you know it has a heart monitor and you know, when you move around and you're just kind of like doing things, your heart elevates a little bit because you're now in movement, as opposed to when you're at rest and you're just completely idle.
Robb:So I was kind of showing that. I was showing that to my middle one and I was like, yeah, look, if you look at it, my heart rate is like 89 right now 90 because I'm talking to you and I'm kind of walking around. And she was like, oh interesting. I was like you want to see it slow down. And she was like you could slow your heart down. And I was like, yeah, watch. And then I just kind of sat down and then I just started breathing, really like very calm.
Robb:Like I'm able to like to slow my heart rate down rather quickly because I do it so frequently now that it's not difficult. So I literally took it from like 90-something and, as she was watching it, it went from like 90-something to like 68, 66. And she was like how did you do that? And I was like I just I don't know, I can't really explain it, because I've done it so much. I'm like I literally just calm myself, my entire self down.
Robb:Wow, and she was like whoa, that's so weird. And I was like now, watch, I'm going to start moving around again. And then it started it's, it's spiked up to like like 80 something, 90 something again and she was like that's so weird. I'm like yeah, that's, that's the body.
Ryan:Oh man, that's a great party trick for me to figure. Um, you know, for me to learn when I go to the doctor.
Robb:Well, I do that when they take my, when they take my, my blood pressure.
Ryan:That's what I mean, yeah.
Robb:Yeah, yeah, when they take my blood pressure, I like super calm myself down and I don't talk like I literally just stop doing everything. And then, like you know, they measure my blood pressure and they're like your blood pressure is great and I'm like, of course it's great of course it's great. I calmed myself down according to my incredible, like my ninja heart, I got the heart of an athlete right now the only one that could hear me right now is daredevil.
Ryan:yeah, yeah, otherwise I'm super calm.
Robb:I was like you're lucky, I don't come, I don't calm my heart down to like 30 beats a minute, man, all the way down.
Ryan:Jesus. How is he still alive?
Robb:How's he alive? He's like he's basically, he's comatose.
Ryan:Barely a beat here. That's amazing. You know I got to admit the mind is really incredible, incredible thing here.
Robb:And yeah, I mean, I mean that's why those people that do like those, those like crazy, like ice plunges and stuff like that, that's why they they're so good is because they've mastered being able to slow their heart rate down.
Ryan:That's nuts.
Robb:That's ultimately what it is. It's not that, it's not that you get used to it. It's more to it than that, like in its simplest form. Yes, that's what it is is that you're getting used to it, but it's not actually that you know. You just learn to control your body.
Ryan:Okay, yeah.
Robb:That's really what it is Like if you watch videos of Wim Hof. He who's like he's, he's known as the ice man. He's that Dutch motivational speaker guy. That is the absolute. You know he's. He's the guy that pretty much trailblazed the whole ice thing. I mean, this guy's been doing it for over 20 years. He did it way before I doing any kind of ice therapy was normal. Wow, um. I mean, this is a guy that hikes in like a like a tank top and shorts on like snowy mountains. He's been doing it forever but he's. But he's mastered control and that and they've like put stuff on him to be like how is he able to do this like is? Is he built different or is he just a master of his body and that's? And they ended up finding out that's what it was. It's just he's. He's mastered how to control his body so much that he's able to withstand, like incredibly frizz, frigid temperatures for an elongated state of time.
Ryan:Hmm, yeah, it's very interesting it makes me wonder how they may, and it's also very good for your mental health.
Robb:So that's his big freezing yourself. Uh, there is something to that, which is why people do cold plunges and stuff like that, not cryotherapy, because cryotherapy is more rehabilitation.
Robb:Okay, but, like cold plunge is more so kind of it's like forcing your body to release hormones into your body, basically that kind of replicate the pleasure hormones, basically the pleasure hormones, basically. So it it's, and that's why they recommend that you do it first thing in the morning, uh, because it kind of, you know, it's kind of carries through the day uh, the hormones, they yeah, yeah, so like besides, besides the physical benefit of of doing that, because when you, when you, go into the really cold, it constricts your blood vessels, so it actually forces repairing of muscles a lot quicker.
Robb:So it's really great, you know, if you are somebody who like lifts weights or is athletic to some, to some capacity, it is really good because it forces your muscles to repair a lot quicker.
Robb:As long as you're doing everything else that you're supposed to do, ie take your vitamins, feed yourself appropriately and sleep a lot, a number of hours, so as long as you're kind of doing all those things, plus that it's kind of like it sets your body into a place of like hyper repair. So so like you, you're, so you're, you're soreness, and your recovery time is drastically shortened, but mentally is also really good because it is releasing those kinds of, like you know, pleasure endorphin hormones into your, into your body.
Ryan:So you know, how is he hard and he was in an ice bath. I was going to say I said how is he hard and he was in an ice bath.
Robb:Hmm, I was going to say. I said how is he hard? And he was in an ice bath. No, not, not like that, doesn't make you horny.
Ryan:It's not frozen Viagra. My God, what a stiff man he is. What do you mean he's stiff and not in a cold way? Uh, yeah, I had to. No, but that's I mean. With jokes aside, that's actually pretty interesting, and I um, I know they definitely do this. Uh, in, you know the major sports like football for sure. I'm sure they do it in baseball too, maybe all the big American sports. Do you think soccer players would do something like this to heal up from all that running?
Robb:I wouldn't be surprised.
Ryan:Or football, excuse me.
Robb:Yeah, I mean there really is something to it. Excuse me, yeah, I mean there really is something to it. It's just that I mean it would have to be at a level that's very high, because it's not the the most cost effective thing.
Ryan:Right yeah.
Robb:But you know what I mean. Like and not to say that it's expensive, but we are talking about literally minutes of time. Like if you're doing full on cryo there and there's so many different versions of that Like, like you know, if you're, if you're thinking about like the full body cryotherapy, you're literally talking about three minutes.
Ryan:Um it's.
Robb:It's a very, very short amount of time. I did it. It's really cool. I like it. You know, if it is something that you do on the regular, it'll rack up. Yeah, Um so that's the only thing, Uh, but there are some that I've seen where they have kind of like a um, it's like a massage gun.
Robb:Okay, Uh like imagine a massage gun but the massage gun shoots like super freezing cold air and they do that on the muscles. So like if cold air and they do that on the muscles, whoa. So like if you have like let's say, like you know, one of your, one of your lats is like really sore because let's say, you're, you know you're a football, you're a quarterback or something, and like for that right lat, you know, is really bothering you from like you know, throwing, throwing, throwing the ball, they'll massage that part of your back with that, with that like super cold, like cryo gun. Basically, it's really wild that is wild I definitely.
Robb:It's kind of amazing all the like how how they figure this shit out and and the fact that there's still things that are being created for the body to get athletes, you know, in an even better place. You know what I mean.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:Because, like ice, cold baths is nothing new. Football players have been doing that forever. But now there's a way to do it where you don't have to have all that ice and or water. Now it's just just like hop into this tank and we'll just shoot you like the freaking t-1000. You know what I mean just freeze you up for a couple minutes and when you're done, you get out and go about your merry way nice less. Uh, you know, it's a much easier process now yeah, very interesting.
Ryan:It's very interesting that's pretty cool, I am.
Ryan:I definitely wanted to go back, though, and tie this into uh, because I know we touched on it for a brief second about how it it's mentally beneficial.
Ryan:Yeah, and I want to circle back to that, because the point of I know I didn didn't say at the beginning, but the point of this episode today was because I think there's a lot of strain on today's dad compared to past dad, and you yourself brought this up to me previously, as we were texting back and forth because back in the day, there was pressure for men to be the stoic breadwinners, as we were texting back and forth because, you know, back in the day, there was pressure for men to be the stoic breadwinners. You know, as we all know and I'm using your text because this is because I I think it was beautifully written and, uh, in today's landscape, it's the notion. Is that notion no longer the case because men are tasked at being that end, emotionally man of the house and I use air quotes even though no one could see it, uh, as well or is that added pressure to today's dad? Uh, as becoming the new breadwinners, embracing, you know that, but still having to be at what? At what cost to that right?
Ryan:yeah so that's, that's where I wanted to go with today, because I feel like, you know, there wasn't any emotional impact back in the day. You know, men had to. In my opinion, men had to hold their feelings.
Robb:Yeah, you didn't show emotion.
Ryan:Yeah, you didn't show emotion. You were that. You worked your time at the office, you came back home, you sat in front of the TV or did whatever else and then, just you know, you held that shit in Whatever was bothering you Now with mental health being kind of like a big thing, especially during the pandemic, where it's kind of spiked because everyone was trapped in their homes for so long.
Ryan:Now it's up to the new generation of dads like you and me to now either still be I don't think we're the breadwinners anymore, because we've kind of shared that with our wives Like we're both the breadwinners, we both bring, uh, the economics to the house. But now we're also taking up the emotional side to make sure that we say, hey, it's okay, tell me your feelings, I'll tell you mine too, so to speak. So we're not emotionally deprived of not sharing our feelings anymore. Because for me personally, I've always held my emotions in, and I'm pretty sure we touched on this a couple of times, you and I, on the pod and off the pod, where you and I are kind of like the same, we kind of like kept our feelings and our emotions to ourselves. We didn't share that, we didn't divulge that, because we were raised not to.
Ryan:We were raised to keep that in, because that's what the previous generation did right and now we're in a moment to where and I don't even know where it started um, I guess within our generation, but I know for me it actually started, uh, more after I became a dad to where I felt as if you know it is okay to cry, it is okay to be sad when you need to be sad.
Ryan:I think it's now that I'm able to talk more and I'm able to talk to my kid more. I can tell him that he should tell me his feelings if he is sad, upset, angry, happy, ecstatic, nervous, all the emotions. Um, because it's it's not. It's not healthy, holding that shit in and not venting to anybody and then later on contemplating in life, when you're in your 30s, maybe I should speak to a psychiatrist, because nobody in my family wants to hear my shit. So what do you think to that? What are your thoughts or opinion? What do you think to that?
Robb:What are your thoughts or opinion? Yeah, it's interesting because, like you know, I don't know if I would say that I had a conscious thought, that I wanted to make sure that I was going to be a quote unquote, you know, emotionally available parent, or whatever the case may be.
Robb:It was just kind of like I just kind of went with it because, especially because I have all females, yes, which is interesting, because they they depending on and, and and. Now, this is just for any kid really, but depending on the girl they have, they kind of dictate what they expect of you okay you know what do you mean by that. Like I, I don't put out I mean I at least not intentionally. I don't intentionally put the air out that I am tough alpha dad.
Ryan:Okay, okay.
Robb:Like I'm not purposely, like well, I'm the boss, I'll say it goes Like I don't at all do that in the household.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:But they recognize that they're like no, he's the boss Like they just know that.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:Like in their brains and it's unsaid. Right, it's like an unsaid thing. That's just how they see it. So it's very interesting, especially like for my middle child. I think she's probably the best barometer, because with my oldest, because because she was my stepdaughter, you know, our relationship was very different.
Robb:Um you know what I mean, cause I kind of I stepped in while she was very young, um, and it was kind of like, you know, very, very light discipline on my end, because I'm I'm still know kind of kind of new guy, you know I mean so.
Robb:so it was a very different kind of relationship yeah I, I think my middle one is probably the best barometer and and now the youngest, of like how they kind of see me and it is different. But like my middle one, like she very much sees me as like, like she, I'm, I'm like a walking golem to her. She's kind of like no, he is the all-powerful In her mind, I'm He-Man. She very much sees that and confidently. It's not like a gushing, like oh, he's so strong, he's so amazing, it's matter of fact. She's like no, my dad is super strong.
Ryan:It is what it is.
Robb:Yeah, it's just matter of fact. He's very strong because that's what he does. You know, that's just him. And it's amazing the amount of times that she'll very again, matter of factly, comment on how strong I am. It's just in her head. This is just common knowledge. It's just in her head. It's just. This is just common knowledge. She's not looking to, she's not, you know, stroking my ego to her. She's like no, you're like the Incredible Hulk, and that's what it is.
Ryan:That's so cool.
Robb:It's very matter of fact and she is very much again. We keep things very light. We try not to push any kind of gender roles, but she's created them. You know, in her head she's very much like no, dad is the boss, he makes the money, like we've never spoken about this. But in her head these are the things that just are. So it's very interesting.
Robb:So it's just very interesting to kind of see, because we never push that kind of. We don't want her to think like, oh, it's a man of the house kind of thing and it's not that either, because to her she's kind of like yeah, when you're done working, I'll take over your business, and then we kind of go from there. So she has a business mindset and she has like this boss mindset it's just for the right, now I'm the boss in her world.
Robb:It's very interesting to kind of see, while the baby, you know she sees me and I use the term loosely, she's four years old. You know she sees me and I I use the term loosely, she's four years old. But the baby, she, she kind of sees me as both that and the emotional nurturer.
Robb:oh, okay, so I'm kind of like the all-encompassing figure and that's, and that's really just because of, um, the nature of how she and I kind of like how she kind of got raised, because I was already in my current, you know, profession, so I was always home.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:So I got to watch her pretty much all day.
Ryan:So that's really interesting From the time she was born.
Robb:She was basically on my lap for all those years either watching TV or watching her shows, or if I'm watching or I'm gaming, like what she knows is being on top of me, is like that's her space and that's where she feels like good. So it's very interesting.
Ryan:It's a comfort thing, for sure, yeah, yeah.
Robb:Yeah, so like for her, you know, when she needs me to be hard, like, she knows she could come to me, and then, when she's not feeling great, she knows she can come to me for that too. So it's it's very interesting.
Ryan:That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like your foundation.
Robb:She knows if she's not feeling good it's mom, but if she needs like fun strong dad, then it's fun strong dad, like that's more like divided in a more normal kind of like setting while while while the baby, she's kind of like no, dad is just kind of everything dad is everything and she'll have her moments, like she'll have her moments or that you know she has her. Like where she and I will we'll have some static because she decided to be a pain, or whatever it happens kids are kids.
Robb:Yeah, you know but then, like it'll be like 20 minutes later, and then she's like coming over and she's like you know, rubbing herself on my leg like a cat, and I'm like okay, and then I'll pick her up, and she's like, yeah, when did we pick up this stray yeah?
Robb:she's an interesting one that's hilarious yeah, but like, but yeah, I mean it's, it's very interesting. I mean like, like tonight, the whole last, like that, just before I hopped on, um, literally my middle one is playing xbox on TV in my office. I'm playing Xbox on my computer, I'm playing a different game and the baby's sitting on my legs and we did that for like two and a half hours, like we were all just kind of gaming in this really tiny square in my office.
Ryan:That's amazing.
Robb:And that's just what we do, that's the new thing. And then I put them to sleep and my middle one she's like can we do? That's that's the new thing. And then I put them to sleep and my middle, my middle one, she's like can we do that again tomorrow? I'm like yeah, whatever you want, as long as I'm not working, I'm like you just let me know, we can game. She was like all right, cool that's cool yeah, that's just what we do. That's, that's the new, that's the new norm in yeah yeah it's.
Ryan:it's so funny, um, because, as you were, I was thinking of examples in my mind where I actually had a better conversation with my son than I did with my dad at his age. And it's no fault of my father, it's just the education back then and he only did the best that he could with the knowledge that he had. Yes, and exactly with his generation too different generation age situation.
Robb:Thought there's a lot yeah, and I try.
Ryan:I do my absolute best to make sure I distinguish between being sympathetic versus being empathetic.
Robb:Yes, and I do yes, yes, yes.
Ryan:I try very hard every time I speak with my son when he is feeling upset and he is sad, especially when it comes to sports, because sometimes, like right now, he's into baseball and he's doing his best. He's brand new to the sport because we kind of dropped soccer so he just wasn't feeling soccer anymore, or football to the rest of the world, and he wanted to pick up baseball because his friends were into it and he was getting influenced that way and I'm fine with that. So he gets into baseball and he does. He did last year um two I guess they call them clinics. There was a summer clinic and then, uh, right now he's going through the um, the winter clinic, but he also did a little bit of baseball in the fall too.
Ryan:So anyway, just to kind of get to my point, he did an evaluation for, uh, this this year's season, like because this year is gonna be coming up soon. So he did the evaluation. Uh, everything is swell. We got an email back stating that, uh, our son wasn't going to progress. He was actually going to remain in the rookies because his catching and his throwing didn't match with the older kids. So they're going to hold him back in rookies.
Robb:Gotcha.
Ryan:And you know I'm fine with it. And you know, and I understand, because he's still brand new to the sport, and you know it doesn't also help that he's left-handed.
Robb:Ah, you got a southpaw, all right, yes exactly.
Ryan:He's left-handed, so he's got a disadvantage against all right-handed players.
Robb:Damn.
Ryan:Interesting.
Robb:I didn't know that. I didn't know he was a southpaw. That's cool.
Ryan:Yeah, um, but I don't know that. I don't know he was a southpaw. That's cool, yeah, uh, but you know, we told him the news and then he actually got really upset.
Ryan:Yeah, he felt actually discouraged, um, because he didn't think he was good enough I can say that and you know I sat with him for a few minutes and I and I told him hey, buddy, listen, I just I want to let you know. I know how you feel and I understand being upset and being in that position, because I was in that position too when I played sports, especially when it came to football. I got rejected too at football and I went into a story. He actually likes sitting down and hearing my stories because I usually tell him stories just before bed, after we read a book.
Robb:Yeah.
Ryan:Because he wants to know more about my life and what I did growing up as a kid, and his favorite story and you can ask him when you see him is the story I told him of how I punched Michael F in the face because he was pissing me off.
Ryan:Nice Good job, and I mean this. This is when I was a kid. And Michael F. If you're listening to this podcast, I'm so sorry, man. I hope you're having a great life. I know it's been over 20 years since we last seen each other, but Michael. F. If you're out there, I want to let you know I'm sorry.
Robb:My bad.
Ryan:Yeah, but to my defense, Michael F, you were pissing me off and I rocked his dome a little bit.
Robb:Again, I apologize. Sometimes you got it coming yeah.
Ryan:This is a different time, back in the early 2000s.
Robb:There you go. You got to take this every now and then you got to get a lump in. It happens. He ain't special.
Ryan:Oh my God.
Ryan:But I sat with him and I just told him everything's going to be okay and I know you're sad now, but take this as a lesson to hold it within you and understand that feeling and let's turn it into something positive.
Ryan:Let's try now our best and prove to the coaches that you don't belong in the rookies, you belong with the older kids and you're going to try your best every single day, like I did with football until I was almost the fastest, one of the fastest kids on my football team when I, when I was playing so and it kind of inspired him and it kind of like he, like he brushed it off.
Ryan:He was like you know what, dad, you're right, and then he's hopefully, um, going forward, even though I know it doesn't wipe away the depression and being upset for in stuff like that takes time, but at least it's, at least it's a stepping stone forward to moving, moving on and you know getting to the point where you need to to then start going. You know what I can do, this shit and I will be the best. And then you know, just positive thinking stuff, that I do remember some things my dad told me, but not to the capacity that I was able to do it for my son. So, and that is a lot of just again generational and education, the the stuff that I've learned now I'm for shit, and that is a lot of just again generational and education.
Robb:The stuff that I've learned now I'm for shit sure wasn't taught back in the day, especially the difference between being sympathetic and being empathetic Because I'm sorry you feel that way is not how you talk to someone who is depressed. I'm just saying it's like oh well, that's a shame well, it could be worse, right? I fucking hate uh, it could be thanks for the terrible motivation yeah, yeah, thanks, appreciate it.
Ryan:At least it isn't this. Oh great, you know what you're right. At least it isn't that. You know what my problems are. My problems are gone thank you for making me see, my favorite is um let's just stop being depressed yeah, I mean, that's, that's the, you know, that's the uh old school mentality.
Ryan:You just get over it yeah, no, shake that shit off. And, you know, go about your day. Well, I can't. This, um, this is kind of messing me up and I and I need help. And this is you might not recognize it, um, but I need help is basically what that person is saying when they, when they are grieving, and a lot of it is trying to identify the signs too, because it's if someone is really mentally, um, you know, depressed and and scarred and not being happy, they're one of the best people that are hiding their emotions so well.
Ryan:You would never pick up on it. And I'm not going to sit here and say I'm an expert on registering the signs, because I'm not going to sit here and say I'm an expert on on registering the signs, because I'm not. But I do know how to become a good listener and I and recognize that there are signs that are there, that are hints at when a person is speaking to you and you know their body language and how they're reacting to your line of questions and or just speaking to you that you can pick up on and and then go. Are you okay? Do you want to talk? I'm here for you.
Ryan:And then I think what also goes a long way, too, is also like thanking the person that shared their feelings with you. It goes, I feel like, such a long way, even if there's nothing else you can possibly say to help that person. You know, just the one thing you can say is just thanking them for them sharing troubles, their grief, their everything with you at that moment, and it's just like now, now you are that Avenue that they can go to for help, and I feel like we didn't have that for a while.
Robb:Yeah, and honestly it's still hard. I mean it's still something that people still have trouble. Yeah, yeah, and honestly it's still hard. I mean it's still something that people still have trouble.
Ryan:Yeah, yeah.
Robb:Ultimately, you know what I mean. Like it's still difficult because everybody's raised differently.
Ryan:Right, yes.
Robb:You know, what gets one person through things is definitely not the. You know it's not going to work the same for everybody. It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all, that's for sure. Correct, and it's just a matter of finding what that thing is, because what will get one person out of a funk that may not necessarily work the same with somebody else?
Ryan:Agreed. Yeah, everyone's different. Yeah, everyone's different.
Robb:Yeah, everybody's different. You know what I mean. Like, some people are able to kind of get themselves out of whatever their funk is and other people need help, you know, and that's okay.
Ryan:Yes.
Robb:And that's all right.
Ryan:It's just you know, recognizing that recognizing that, yeah, and I think that's another hard part too is you know, when do you recognize that you do have a problem and and it does and I hate to say problem, because it's just it's. It's not necessarily in my mind, it's not necessarily in my mind, it's not necessarily a problem, it's just something you finally identified and you're like you know what? I just need to talk to somebody about this, because I can't keep swallowing this inside and holding it within me before it just starts to poison me within in you know?
Robb:yeah, I mean truth be told, if you, if you like, at least in, in my opinion, if you don't feel that you have at least one person that you can be completely transparent with, then go to a therapist right, and that's not. And that's not in a bad Right. And that's not. And that's not in a bad way. It's just that you need to be able to have an ear that you can talk to completely candidly.
Ryan:Yes, and it will not be like a therapist wouldn't be biased either.
Robb:Yes, exactly that too you know, because sometimes it's hard for family members to yeah, I think family members are probably not the greatest.
Ryan:No.
Robb:Because they kind of come in with their own judgments.
Ryan:Yes, and it's immediate.
Robb:Right, right. So I wouldn't recommend that. I feel like, typically, if you're going to have that kind of person, it's more than likely going to be somebody who you've developed a relationship with. I feel like that level of trust makes more sense when it's a chosen and proven relationship. You know what I'm saying because you know, don't get me wrong.
Robb:Like I, you know I I love my brother and thankfully, like we, we do have that relationship as well. But not every family member, not every, not everybody who has a sibling has that kind of connection with their sibling. On the contrary, it might actually be an incredibly toxic relationship. So you know it just depends on the person.
Robb:That, it does, that, it does, that, it does, and not everybody has a great relationship with their siblings, and it happens, you know, such as life. You know, these are people that are in your life, not by your choice. You know what I'm saying. There's just the people that happen to become your siblings. Yes, it is what it is. That's just just luck of the draw yeah, yeah but your friends. You can choose who your friends are. You can choose who your close confidants are.
Ryan:You know well, I didn't want to choose you. You are chosen I was.
Robb:I was thrust upon by the gods.
Ryan:I don't think there's a friendship I ever want to walk away from, and you shouldn't Just saying personally, I'm in this for the long run.
Robb:Damn right, I'll kick your butt.
Ryan:So death. Do us part.
Robb:I don't know whether you like it or not. That's the dot dot dot'll kick your butt Till death. Do us part. I don't know whether you like it or not, that's the dot, dot, dot. After that yeah, till death, do you part or I will murder you Fucking fantastic.
Ryan:Like yeah, sorry, but we're going to be friends like forever. We're going to be friends forever Like, oh, that's that's okay, sorry but we're going to be friends forever. We're going to be friends forever. Like oh, that's Okay, sure, you know how jealous our wives are, oh, so jealous Of this beautiful relationship, oh my oh, they're terribly jealous.
Robb:They wish they knew a friendship like what we have.
Ryan:If only they knew.
Robb:If only they knew.
Ryan:I mean they're lucky that they have us to experience something as as great absolutely and even then they're still missing out of course they have to be on the sidelines literally to watch this shining friendship walk by. Oh god, I gotta say that was not mentally draining but mentally enlightening.
Robb:I feel, good.
Ryan:I feel great In many ways Talking about stuff and, you know, going and saying that it's okay to have the feelings that you have.
Robb:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I mean it's tough, it's tough out there, it's tough out there and it always has been tough.
Ryan:It is definitely nothing new.
Robb:It's just the things that are difficult are different. We have different worries nowadays. Yeah, yeah.
Ryan:That's another thing. Um, I feel like that's that's not taken for um, that is taken for granted, excuse me, is that you know a lot, of a lot of folks and I'm pointing to the older guys, the older generation here is that you know the problems that they, um, that they faced during their time are not at all the same as what we're facing today. That's affecting us. Like you're right, I didn't have to be drafted and go to a war that I didn't want to go to. You're absolutely right, and you know what? I don't mess with veterans. Matter of fact, I'm so humbled that our veterans and men and women in our service are still fighting for our freedom, so I can enjoy myself and be on this podcast with my best friend and talk about our things here.
Robb:Facts.
Ryan:But it still doesn't negate the fact that you know, we have our own set of problems today. Right, that is not being faced by the older generation now and that comes with. I'm just trying to think of a good example right now. If you have one in mind, please shout it out, because now I'm having a brain fart.
Robb:Well, I mean, truth be told. I mean right now nowadays. I don't think we've ever been in as a polarizing climate in terms of really everything for people to be vocal about the things that bother them. What's come with that now is an absolute eggshell like way of being nowadays yeah because you know, people are so incredibly sensitive to anything and all and always assume the worst when people say things, that maybe at first everybody's kind of looking for a reason to be upset.
Ryan:It seems like yes, and that's both sides of the aisle. It's not just, it's everyone.
Robb:No, it's absolutely everyone it's just yeah, there is no one side or the other, it's just in yeah, there is no one side or the other, it's just in general, just people in general.
Robb:There are a lot of people that are just very quick to be triggered by something, to be upset like oh so you mean this and it's. People are always looking for an ulterior motive to what's being said, said, and when that's not the case, like you know, you have people that kind of speak from both sides of the mouth and then that kind of ruins it for the people who aren't like that, because then when they speak straight, people are always trying to find some kind of ulterior motive when, truth be told, what they said is what they meant and there was no ulterior motive. But that's just how we've been programmed. Um, you know, and it's, it's, it's it's, it's tough. It's tough, it's it's hard to have conversations with people nowadays because you it's kind of you're scared on what you can and cannot say, because you don't know what's okay to say true, you know, like the ability to make a mistake doesn't exist anymore. You can't make a mistake anymore.
Ryan:How dare you you?
Robb:know like you know what I mean.
Ryan:Yeah.
Robb:You can't make a mistake out of ignorance anymore. You either know everything or you're an idiot, a bigot and Lord Lord knows. Whatever you know, you're immediately, like, branded as something that you were not. And, truth be told, it was just that you were ignorant about something which is okay. Not everybody knows everything.
Ryan:Yeah, but if people are too proud to admit that, you know they.
Robb:That doesn't. Yeah, that doesn't help either. That doesn't help either. But there's also the expectancy that everybody's supposed to know everything.
Ryan:Man.
Robb:And it's like it's a lot of pressure, it's a lot of pressure.
Ryan:Yeah, yeah.
Robb:It's a lot of pressure. Well, I mean, I may be college edumacated, but I am not by far the smartest person out there, and I will, yeah, I'll happily admit it I'm definitely not the smartest person out there, but, like nowadays, it's just like for for your own mental health, you should know who you can and cannot speak to, because I say it's always best to err on the side of caution in terms of people who are overly passionate about their convictions on things yeah, but I just want to.
Ryan:This sounds dark and grim, um, but I just I do want to say there is, like you know, some positive light to it, because not all, it's only the really loud ones that are getting the most attention, which is making the most fuss about everything. But every day person like you and I and then you know other folks out there, uh, men and women, are you know, are I? I don't even want to use normal as the word, but I just want to.
Robb:Maybe you're going to say normal.
Ryan:I was going to say normal. I was gonna say normal, but that's not the case at all no I just want to say probably don't, let's, let's go with this phrase don't buy into the bullshit.
Robb:Maybe that's, maybe that's, that's the the. The people are far and few. I think. The visibility of them, though, is what puts the people that you're referring to into a place of apprehension. Right, they'll meet people like that, ever or not.
Ryan:Yes.
Robb:And I think that's what's not good. Good, that's something that we deal with, that our, our, our parents never had to deal with, because they never saw those people no, they never saw those loud people. They never saw those loud voices, but us we're. We're constantly surrounded by these voices. Now that we don't know who those people are in our lives, god forbid we come across them and then we're like, oh boy, here we go, you know, trying to think of ways to escape.
Ryan:How do we get out of this situation?
Robb:Yeah, exactly, exactly. I was always like, oh, I didn't realize this was a hot button topic. I need to get over it. I need an escape route, I need an escape plan. Yeah yeah stuff. No, it is I. That's not something they ever had to deal with. No, they don't know what that's like. They don't know what it's like to be that having an opinion could potentially be dangerous only because you decided to post it for everybody to see.
Ryan:Yeah, you know I mean because an opinion is.
Robb:An opinion could potentially be dangerous only because you decided to post it for everybody to see you know what I mean, because an opinion is an opinion, but how dare you put that?
Ryan:on the socials, there are no right or wrong opinions.
Robb:That's the whole point of an opinion.
Ryan:It's just like but how dare you have one?
Robb:Yeah, exactly, and that's my thing, because I come from the place of like People can think whatever they want, just because. I don't agree with it doesn't mean I have to think they're a terrible person. I'll question their morals, maybe, but I'm not going to be like they're the devil, like I'm not. I'm not. I'm not crazy either, mm. Hmm, you know what I'm saying, mm hmm, mm, hmm, I'm not crazy either.
Robb:You know what I'm saying, but you know. Unfortunately that's the way we are. We are in a world of extremism. Because of social media, Everything is extreme. There is no 50 miles an hour. Everything is 100 miles an hour, or bust miles an hour. Everything is 100 miles an hour or bust.
Ryan:Well, if everyone knew your breathing techniques, maybe we'd learn how to slow the fuck down.
Robb:I think so I think honestly, if people were just a little more understanding, I think we'd be okay. Yeah, it's really just being understanding and knowing that it's okay. People can think things. Yeah, that's the beauty of being a person is that you can think things and you don't have to agree. That's a good thing. If we all agreed, that would make for a very boring existence.
Ryan:Yes, yes, it would.
Robb:You know what I'm saying, but it's just recognizing that and just being able to be like you know what. Uh, I understand. I understand what you're saying, Cause that's another thing too is that we refuse to understand.
Ryan:Ah, that, that is key.
Robb:There is a refusal to understand because I disagree. I also can't understand that kind of is the new thing right now. You know what I mean, and what I don't understand isn't what you're saying. What I don't understand is why you don't agree with me, because I think I'm right. You know what I'm saying and I think that's a dangerous precedent for us. Couldn't agree with you more To set. You know what I'm saying. We can understand an opposing argument and we can also not agree with that opposing argument, and that's okay, that's fine.
Ryan:Fine, you know what I'm saying yeah that's okay, that is absolutely okay you can have a difference of an opinion but just as long as we understand, but you can't say that now.
Robb:You can't say that. That's not okay. You either agree with me or you're wrong, because my opinion is factually correct. In my world, yeah, and that's the problem is that opinions are slung as facts, and that's the dangerous thing that is, what is it?
Ryan:bull honky, what's, what's, what's the g-rated words?
Robb:I'm just I'm just saying he's just making up words.
Ryan:I know, I heard this in a kid's movie. Um, listen, I may. I may not understand what you're saying, but I'm okay with you making up your nonsense words. This is my world you must agree with me and my terminologies alright, it's like okay, if you say so. I swear to god it's from a kids movie. It's like the G rated version of bullshit bull honky bull honky, I swear. It's a word, I swear.
Robb:I mean, if it is, I've never heard of it, but I like it.
Ryan:Thank you, at least you like it. I enjoy it. I understand for a dollar I'm coughing. They got me my, got my asthma going. I got to take my breaths.
Robb:See, it's from all your years in the mines.
Ryan:Yeah, and a black lung is hitting you.
Robb:In.
Ryan:Pennsylvania, dutch. Oh God, totally got it in those mines. You know, hey, listen, is it a blue, a blue collar job working in the mines. I think, so I think that, yeah, it is right, yeah, yeah yeah, alright, so I was accurate in something, just maybe not bull honky.
Ryan:I swear, I'm gonna look this up eventually, just not right now, because it'll distract me. Oh god, I'm going to look this up eventually, just not right now, because it'll distract me. Oh God. Well, I think it was an excellent conversation, I'm glad we had it, and I think we should have more conversations like this in reference to, uh, you know, mental health and and stuff like that, because it's I, it's more, it's more, um, an awareness that, um, you, you can talk about your problems, you can voice something.
Ryan:I mean, I know we just talked about, you know, the polar, polarized state that we live in, with everything being either left or right, literally, or, you know, opinionated as facts for one side and same for the other. But as far as speaking about your emotions, there's something completely different about your emotions. There's something completely different. And and if, if no one is, um, you know, if no one's getting the shit off their chest, you know it's just, eventually you're gonna crack and it's just gonna mentally fuck you up and you're gonna turn into a person that you didn't want to turn into.
Ryan:And and, and it's just so, there's two sides of the coin. Right, there's the person that that needs to recognize that they do have things to get off their chest. But sometimes it's also up to you know. They might not have the confidence enough to speak out their mind, so it might be someone also within your family, or you know a might not have the confidence enough to speak out their mind, so it might be someone also within your family. Or you know a very close friend. Um to recognize the signs too and go.
Ryan:holy shit, Maybe they're, maybe they're not doing well. Maybe I should check up on you know, sally, or um Tim, more often. Um, because they're acting a little bit too strange. Now. They seem a little happier when I know they're not. You know something to that effect. Yeah, but I need to get something off my chest now that I'm thinking about you know, mental health, and I need to tell you something, rob.
Robb:Oh boy.
Ryan:It's serious.
Robb:And I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all.
Ryan:I got to tell you something that has been bothering me forever now. Okay, did you know that someone sent me flowers with all the heads cut off? I don't know, man, I think I'm being stalked. Oh, god, god, I would think that at some point you would run out and then you don't, and that's very disappointing for me. How.
Robb:Come on.
Ryan:How can? It be disappointing for you, there's like a plethora, literally.
Robb:That is so unfortunate.
Ryan:I don't know why you don't like them. You don't like that, Jax For my own mental health. Oh my God, I'm dying. Yeah, for your mental health, just don't say them anymore.
Robb:I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what the, I don't know what the recourse would be here.
Ryan:I have no idea just don't tell the jokes, ryan. Just stop it stop them all. I don't know. It's one of those things I just don't think I can do. You know, I've developed a reputation at work because of these dad jokes, right uh, you know, I'm pretty sure you've developed a reputation everywhere thank you at this point. I have that. It's fantastic oh god uh.
Ryan:But, like I mentioned in the past, most of my jokes uh, I do have to say I source them from uh, from reddit, from uh the subreddit dad jokes it's a fantastic place. I I am very active on it and I well I don't tell jokes, I kind of like research them and go, oh, that's pretty good. Let me just change up the word so I can tell that it worked nice but I I always, I always upvote all the ones I found absolutely amazing.
Ryan:I upvote them. I don't just steal jokes and then not give credit there you go because that's just mean indeed, but this is a fantastic conversation. I can't wait to have more with you. Man, indeed, indeed, I think uh, this is, uh, this is a fantastic conversation.
Robb:I can't wait to have more with you, man Indeed, indeed, I think this is quite a success.
Ryan:I couldn't agree with you more good sir. Well, until the next episode. My friends, thank you for tuning in. Wow, I sound like the nightly news.
Robb:Thank you for tuning in.
Ryan:Tuning Such a oh no, I'm dying again. Oh boy, yeah, where's my inhaler? Yeah, what's going on? I'm alright, I'm alright, Nope, alright, bye everybody, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
